At Sea

by A Way To Survive

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Nicholas Nash
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Nicholas Nash I dig the vocal doubling/harmonies. Favorite track: No, But Maybe Soon [Feat. Christi Conger].
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about

A Way to Survive’s first official release, “At Sea,” takes place in the mind of a tattered man. Voyaging through his past experiences, this man seeks out understanding of self and others. Through the unwelcome awareness, he journeys on.

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released January 18, 2016

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about

A Way To Survive Salt Lake City, Utah

In January 2015, Curtis Buckmiller casually said to Scott Hamilton, "We should start a band".
Scott offhandedly replied, "Okay".

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Track Name: Tremors
I can feel your frail heart beating so fast
It's clear you are afraid
Your face is so pale, oh I fear you won't last
Your fate is one I can't dissuade

You fear for your life just as I fear my death
I clutch you in my arms
Your tears wet my chest as you quicken your breath
We're alone, no alarms

The shaking you see is not out of fear
But fury that it ends this way
The end of our time here was never so near
This could be our dying day

I pray that this won't last
Longer than those gone past
I hope you truly feel
That my love for you is real


Now I feel your heartbeat slow to a crawl
Your frame collapses into mine
The weeping has stopped, your last tear then falls
Then off to a place divine

I just hold you tight as I choke through the pain
Of knowing that you're gone
Now that my efforts were all made in vain
What's my reason to live on?

The shaking you see is now out of fear
What if I survive this hell?
What if my end is not quite so near?
I deserve to hear a double knell

I pray that this won't last
Longer than those gone past
I hope you truly feel
That my love for you is real


I can't feel my heart beat scarcely at all
My heart now in my throat
To death's shady figure I am but a thrall
Above the earth soon I'll float

Knowing I'll be with you softens the blow
But still I feel a pit in my stomach
Sitting alone on my personal death row
I pray this terror not be chronic

The shaking you see is out of control
I'm a victim of circumstance
The cards life has passed me have taken their toll
I’m sure I never had a chance

I pray that this won't last
Longer than those gone past
I hope you truly feel
That my love for you is real

My body's shaking has now all but passed
My vision fades into white
The pain that I felt here I'll surely outlast
The ease outweighs the blight

It’s now all in the past
All the suffering we’ve amassed
Our love will now anneal
In our heaven we’ll find our ideal
Track Name: War of Attrition
In my search for something beautiful
Another mark was found
A blight that fostered chaos
In a mind once so sound

Now seeking a less than subtle revenge
An act that first felt foreign
Before the years you stole from me
with the light once held within

Do you ever question why
Only you are on your side
Standing lone in blood-soaked soil?

And if I find a better way
To escape from yesterday
Can I watch your world uncoil?

On the verge of something pitiful
Is where you're at your best
Made up of only fractures and tears
You fit in just fine with the rest

But just because we've both earned scars
Doesn't mean that they match
I'd invite you to move on forward with me
But you've anchored yourself in the past

Do you ever question why
Only you are on your side
Standing lone in blood-soaked soil?

And if I find a better way
To escape from yesterday
Can I watch your world uncoil?

Seeing you now
I can sense your fear
But even so (I can't)
stand you standing so near

Your excuses thrown are paperthin
But what's worse is that you believe them
So I'll leave you to your delusions
I surrender this war of attrition

Do you ever question why
Only you are on your side
Standing lone in blood-soaked soil?

And since I've found a better way
To escape from this Hell you made
I'll just watch your world uncoil.
Track Name: Shameful Shipwreck
Sometimes I get the feeling, you're sitting next to me
Other times you seem so far away
Like canvas spread tight 'cross a frame, just about to tear
Waiting for your brush to stroke my face

Now I've survived some harsh life lessons, hope this one's soon past
Cuz I've fought on for far too long, my tear stained flag half mast
But I know I'll get through, in the end


I find no shame in shipwrecks, much more than six feet down
Knowing that the captain's down below
But some find empty vessels there, and those I do abhor
Knowing of the fear that took control

For I sunk down, down to the depths and saw your silhouette
Forsaking me and on your own, in the salty sea I wept
Left dark, cold, and alone, where's the end?


You came around with empty kiss and loveless touch
Anytime you felt alone
With knees and will so weak to your presence
I fell short and down to you


Trapped inside some empty house, it's no longer a home
I haunt it as a living, breathing ghost
There is no holy bastion here, to keep my thoughts from you
Evenings still wear ever on, morose

My bloodshot eyes burn day and night while staring straight ahead
I can't accept the best has passed and left me here instead
I won't allow this to be the end
Track Name: Some Days
Some days I wish I loved you less, you make it hard to sing
Cuz your laughter sounds so much sweeter, than anything that comes from me
But I can barely make it through the day without you here
So please stay with me my only one, my dear

My love.

Is it still seen as a relapse, if what I've fallen into is beautiful?
As beautiful as you
I know that all good things must end, but what if perfection's eternal?
Eternal like you (and me)

Most nights I wish I loved you less, you make it hard to dream
Cuz no degree of imagination can improve what's lying next to me
I've come to love my threadbare blankets, they keep you from going too far
When I need you, there you are. Here you are

With me.

Is it still seen as a relapse, if what I've fallen into is beautiful?
As beautiful as you
I know that all good things must end, but what if perfection's eternal?
Eternal like you (and me)

Each day I miss you more and more, it makes me wanna scream
My legs and lungs burn so tired, but there's nothing on which to lean
I know it's a fruitless battle, Time's currents can't be quelled
But a memory shouldn't be abandoned, but held...
Track Name: Hourglass
Your hair down to the floor, head in my lap, I wonder what's in store
For you and for me, let's pretend this night won't end eventually
Couch moved to face the fire, but it burns cold beside the heat of my desire
As flames dance in your eyes, I can't believe the beauty that with me lies

Sand stuck in hourglass
Gives hope that this will last
And when I think of all that we've gone through
I can't help but remember why
I fell in love with you

Your heartbeat matches mine, breathing in unison helps us slow the time
I hold you in my arms, fighting off demons and keeping you from harm
Lips pressed against my shoulder, makes your pulling away seem that much colder
But you're right it's getting late, but I want you to stay, oh I hope you can relate

Sand stuck in hourglass
Gives hope that this will last
And when I think of all that we've gone through
I can't help but remember why
I fell in love with you

Moonlight gleaming in your smile, your shine radiates mile after mile
Footprints trailing from me to you, half deep depressions tell me what to do
Barefoot across the snow, we said goodbye but oh, I hate to see you go
The night air sharply bites my cheek, but I'll stay with you, for you are all I seek

Sand stuck in hourglass
Gives hope that this will last
And when I think of all that we've gone through
I can't help but remember why
I'm so in love with you

You'll never have to be alone again
I'm so in love with you
Track Name: No, But Maybe Soon [Feat. Christi Conger]
Moments pass so quickly when you're rooted in one place
Watching but never rising to make chase
You gave me all the impetus I needed to get up
But couldn't bring myself to budge
Every day I wake and sleep on a New York timeline
watching sunsets on west coast skyline

And it's no secret that I long for you
But you're long from me
Why are you so long?
So far gone...

So long

Nothing seems real until with you I share it all
With good and bad news, to you I crawl
With hardly ever second thought, or even first
I feel you when I'm at my worst
You, my heroin, save me
Even as you cage me

And it's no secret that I long for you
But you're long from me
Why are you so long?
So far gone...

So long

I'm haunted by some strange demon singing psalms
Sweat forms 'cross my pallid palms
Just thinking of how I'll get away from it once more
And scrape myself up off the floor
Feebly I asked to be alone in my gloom
Smiling she said "No, but maybe soon"

And it's no secret that I long for you
But you're long from me
Why are you so long?
So far gone...
So long...
So long.
Track Name: December Rain
For so long, clear has been the goal
That act that would bring peace to my soul
But now achieved, I'm not so sure
That this act of hope is the cure
I've longed for

Thoughts that for years consumed, my mind
Will long remain entombed...
In this shallow frame of mine

And now this harsh rain in December
Echoes well the chill within
And could it be I've killed my happy ending?
By holding too strong to love?

Just as cities change once you leave them
So too change the thoughts and fears of men
But with this tragic proximity
Such change is imperceivable to me

These thoughts must be exhumed from my mind
They've been too long entombed...
In this shallow brain of mine

And now this harsh rain in December
Echoes well the chill within
And could it be I've killed my happy ending?
By holding too strong to love?
Track Name: Made of Cracks
The blood, sweat, and tears held in this mortar are what once gave it strength
But now it's fading away
These frail and weakened barricades, have long outlived their use
Broken down and decayed (I'm afraid)

These castle walls are made of cracks, more void than substance found
At just a thought, they'll come tumbling down (all around me)
And as they fall, I'll hear my name
but the cracks remain the same

Steady, calloused hands fail to find the gaps that welcome in the cold
Perplexed, they suffer the chill
Weathered down by constant storm, the roof's mouth wide agape
Its words rain still, and always will

These castle walls are made of cracks, more void than substance found
At just a thought, they'll come tumbling down (all around me)
And as they fall, I'll hear my name
but the cracks remain the same

Not all things that are broken are useless
There exists hope for those that are lost
Not all battles waged are fruitless
Sometimes the highs are worth the cost
...the cost

A single tremor shaking the floor upon which I once relied
Has turned this fortress to sepulchre, Time has never taken its side

Cuz these walls are made of cracks, more void than substance found
At just a thought, they've come tumbling down (again)
And as they fall they scream my name
but the cracks remain...
Track Name: I'm Sorry Now
A raindrop, into an ocean of calm
Its ripple rocked my craft some years ago
With oars, dried and cracked from lack of use
Empty words screamed at the stars, go unnoticed

I'll go now
Controlled not by my "fate"
I know now
The path I'm meant to create

Rain falls heavier on those expecting the sun
But even cloudy days have some light to share
You tried to light a campfire on your own
The driftwood that you chose, it burnt you

Postponed now
Your entrance to the fray
All alone now
You're searching for your way

The storm has passed, with eye shut, moving on
With roof now torn apart, the dawn brings in its warmth
The breeze, turns from chilled to warmed embrace
It dries the puddles at our feet, makes it safe to leave

For sure now
We've got a while to go
But there's hope now
For change, no matter how slow
Track Name: Chasers
You can't really call it "running away" if you're chasing after bliss
But an open road and an anthem sung, can lead you far from all of this
Sometimes the demons in hot pursuit have fangs that sink too deep
But with three or four more tanks of gas, I'll be thrown back on my feet

Hopelessly hopeful, I journey on (and on and on and...)
Hopelessly hopeful, I carry on
to find the day that I
Alone can build my castle
A comfortable vessel

Home may be where the heart is, but that's rarely close at hand
It's often found in a place unseen, far off the route that you'd planned
But life's gusts of wind have a funny way of forcing you to stumble on
Forward to where you're meant to be, battered and bruised, but strong

Hopelessly hopeful, I journey on (and on and on and...)
Hopelessly hopeful, I carry on
to find the day that I
Alone can build my castle
A comfortable vessel

Hopelessly hopeful, I journey on (and on and on and...)
Hopelessly hopeful, I carry on
to find the day that I
Alone can build my castle
A comfortable vessel
Moving on